{"id":310,"date":"2017-12-01T19:47:15","date_gmt":"2017-12-01T19:47:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/?p=310"},"modified":"2017-12-01T19:47:15","modified_gmt":"2017-12-01T19:47:15","slug":"state-of-the-internal-nation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/?p=310","title":{"rendered":"State of the Internal Nation"},"content":{"rendered":"

So, I have been talking about my anxiety and such for the past year or so, and I want to give an update. Partly because I don\u2019t get to talk to people as much as I\u2019d like and partly because when someone gets diagnosed with a mental health issue, a lot of people don\u2019t know how someone gets \u201cbetter\u201d.<\/p>\n

Before I got help, I had always dealt with the anxiety, even though I wasn\u2019t quite sure what it was.; I know that I had racing thoughts, that when I was over stressed I would feel completely overwhelmed, and there were times when I HAD TO FIND SOMETHING, and even when I found it, I wasn\u2019t calmer, so IT MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE I NEED TO FIND.<\/p>\n

I had serious issues with it before. In college, my Junior year, I had a long-term relationship end and for the first time in my life, school wasn\u2019t so easy that I could do well by just paying attention.\u00a0 I had massive back pain, and through therapy learned relaxation and meditation techniques.<\/p>\n

When I had a horrific job in 2011, I was hospitalized for stomach issues, and eventually had to quit the job due to cascading panic attacks. I could also tell I was overstressed by forgetting little things, where my wallet or keys were, what day of the week it was, if I had completed small tasks because my brane was racing on other issues.\u00a0 I can remember times I would be driving to work and realize I was driving to the wrong job (in one case, I was driving to a job I hadn\u2019t work at in a couple of years).<\/p>\n

So, in 2016 (worst year for me since 1999-2000) I again started having cascading panic attacks. I knew the external cause and got rid of it with help from my Tribe, but I kept having the issue, so I decided to get some help.\u00a0 I completed a therapeutic class, got on some anti-anxiety medicine, worked harder on the meditation, and set up some mechanisms so that I wouldn\u2019t completely overwhelm myself with Stuff To Do.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been about a year, and I have only had a couple of nights where I have had full on panic attacks, whereas by July of 2016, I was having them daily. I have a relaxation routine, make sure to give myself days off, don\u2019t force myself to do too much, and, most importantly, I take time off.\u00a0 From the internet, from writing, from working, all of it.\u00a0 I feed my brain, I enjoy what I have and I do what make me content.\u00a0 Not Happy, content.<\/p>\n

The anxiety is still there, but it\u2019s maintainable and I can once again use it to help me complete things rather than giving in to it.<\/p>\n

For those who have never gone through it, I explain that if you take how much you worry about things on a scale of 1 to 10, what normal people feel at a 3, I feel at a 10 and what normal people feel at a 5 makes me mentally shut down and go through the motions of what I have to do each day to survive. But now, it\u2019s manageable.<\/p>\n

Things I still do:<\/p>\n