{"id":249,"date":"2017-07-06T18:04:47","date_gmt":"2017-07-06T18:04:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/?p=249"},"modified":"2017-07-06T18:04:47","modified_gmt":"2017-07-06T18:04:47","slug":"more-on-emotional-checkbooks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/?p=249","title":{"rendered":"More on emotional checkbooks"},"content":{"rendered":"

Long post warning, but it\u2019s about anxiety in detail, so if you\u2019re interested in my experiences\u2026.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have written in the past about the Emotional Checkbook. I don\u2019t know how standard an idea it is, but I like it.\u00a0 We have an emotional bank account with the people in our lives, as well as one overall.\u00a0 What that means is that we have a certain about of emotional cost we can take as well as emotional deposits we can accept.\u00a0 Some people have built up a lot in that account, some not so much and there is a general overall account.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example:\u00a0 A new GF\/BF doesn\u2019t have a lot built up in the account.\u00a0 There\u2019s the initial deposit (attraction) and things they do that show you they care such as how they treat you, romantic gestures, how well they listen and interact, etc\u2026\u00a0 However, as the account hasn\u2019t built up very much, it\u2019s pretty easy for someone to make too many withdrawals.\u00a0 A withdrawal is when you have to spend emotional capital such as when they do someone insensitive, when they lean on you for support, when they ask for favors, etc\u2026\u00a0 When someone is making more withdrawals than deposits, we begin to feel used, that the other person doesn\u2019t care about us and eventually, if the account bounces too many checks, we\u2019ll close it out by dumping that person.<\/span><\/p>\n

I believe that we have these accounts for EVERY relationship in our lives.\u00a0 Even with inanimate things:\u00a0 I get terrible service at this store, and while they have lower prices, I just don\u2019t feel it\u2019s worth putting up with the bad things.\u00a0 My job pays well, but they treat me poorly, what I do doesn\u2019t matter and I am not connect to my co-workers.\u00a0 Over time, every day is an emotional withdrawal and I only get \u201cdeposits\u201d when I get paid or when they give free food.<\/span><\/p>\n

Even in long term friendships, there\u2019s that checking account.\u00a0 I once has a long-term friendship where eventually, the other person never asked how I was doing and never offered any sort of emotional support.\u00a0 It got to the point where I would time our conversations, and if she hadn\u2019t asked anything about me after a half hour, I would end the conversation politely.\u00a0 By that point, checks were bouncing and I closed out the account.\u00a0 In another case, we had an issue that the other person refused to deal with maturely, and every conversation was either telling me how terrible I was or asking to borrow money.\u00a0 I had to close that account as well.<\/span><\/p>\n

Currently, I am dealing with a few issues, but I have thought about how I am feeling and why, even though I feel alone, I don\u2019t want to deal with people and spend a lot of time convincing myself to maintain the close friendships I have.\u00a0 Part of it is how anxiety works.\u00a0 \u201cIf you people don\u2019t like me, then screw you all!\u201d is the irrational way the issue messes with your head.<\/span><\/p>\n

However.<\/span><\/p>\n

In both of my jobs, I am giving to other people.\u00a0 My full-time job is about helping people understand and resolve issues with their benefits, and if you don\u2019t think people get stressed out when there is an issue with their medical benefits, you\u2019re kind of sheltered.\u00a0 For the past three months, it\u2019s been far busier than projections and we are asking people to verify their dependents, so if they don\u2019t have proper documents, their spouses or children could lose medical coverage.\u00a0 That takes a lot out of you, emotionally.<\/span><\/p>\n

THEN, at the group home job, I\u2019m there a lot, the clients are very dependent on you for things, they can do things that get you upset and you have to keep being patient and kind (even when they are being jerks) and even when it\u2019s calm and you\u2019re doing everyday interactions, it\u2019s another withdrawal.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, add that together and I now understand why I feel so tired, anxious, and stressed.\u00a0 My emotional checkbook is bouncing checks all over the place, so the slightest thing can make me feel like things aren\u2019t going to go well.\u00a0 A slow response from someone makes me think I have done something to make them hate me (which has actually happened before) and I mentally write them off.\u00a0 What might be good natured ball-busting comes off to me as anger toward me. I know people laugh at the whole \u201ctrigger\u201d thing, but the one thing I have learned isn\u2019t just to feel an emotion, but to understand what is causing it before I act on it.\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s why people say I always seem calm.<\/span><\/p>\n

Or, I\u2019ve lived in Minnesota so long, I\u2019ve learned never to outwardly show emotions.\u00a0 <\/span><\/p>\n

Much love to friends old and new, and I hope that people are making desposits in your emotional checkbook constantly!<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"reddit\"<\/a>\"pinterest\"<\/a>\"linkedin\"<\/a>\"mail\"<\/a>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Long post warning, but it\u2019s about anxiety in detail, so if you\u2019re interested in my experiences\u2026. I have written in the past about the Emotional Checkbook. I don\u2019t know how standard an idea it is, but I like it.\u00a0 We have an emotional bank account with the people in our lives, as well as one […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-249","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/249","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=249"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/249\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":250,"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/249\/revisions\/250"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=249"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=249"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.solitairerose.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=249"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}