Agent of Change

The Infamous Halloween Blizzard of 1991

25 years ago was the Halloween blizzard.

My son and I were invited to a birthday party for one of my friend’s kids, and when I got off of work at Shinder’s, I picked him up at daycare and we got on the freeway. Then, the snow hit. We were stuck in traffic for over two hours, and while it was a long time to wait, the way home was just as long, and I decided that since we were already out in it, we might as well finish. He was in his beloved Spider-Man pajamas, and we listened to the radio as we sat in traffic.

When we got there, there were no other children because, well, they were smart and stayed home. This was my son’s first Halloween where he was old enough to understand trick or treating, so we went door to door (which was going to be part of the party) and loaded up, walking through streets and sidewalks covered in snow.

We got a LOAD of candy and came back, had cake and warmed up, and listened to the news to see when the roads had cleared up a bit, and we drove back, and I dropped him off at his mother’s.

Once I got home, I was stuck. The next morning, I tried to dig my way out, and in trying to move the car, the transmission dropped. It was a crappy little Chevette, and I was always having transmission trouble in my memory, but the good thing was that when I called work to tell them I wouldn’t be in, they said they weren’t opening the suburban stores. Since the car wouldn’t be fixed until that Monday (the tow truck made it to my place late Friday night), I was set to be home for the next few days.

However, the group home I worked at was snowed in, and the staff who was working that weekend had actually been snowed in since Thursday night…and he called Saturday, begging me to come in and work. I stated I couldn’t due to being snowed in and having no car, and he offered to drive to my house and pick me up if I would take over the shift….so, a few hours later, the van with all of the residents and the staff showed up at my6 house and brought me in to work.

The group home was in a bad way as well, since the fridge had died, so the food for the Refrigerator was in the bathtub in the staff office, with snow keeping it cold, and the freezer food was kept outside to stay frozen until a repairman could show on Monday. The residents were bored out of their minds, so there were lots of arguments and chaos….it was just not a good shift at all.

But, I made I through, paid for the car repair, and life got back to normal. However…the next year, mid-October, my son told me, “I can’t wait for the first snow!”

“Why is that?”

“Because that’s when you go to people’s houses and get candy.”

Quote from last night’s Walking Dead

I’m sorry. For whatever bad you’ve been through. There’s so much of it out there now, you know? Too much. Out there, it feels like it’s all bad. Especially when you’re alone.

The thing is, though? It’s not all bad. It can’t be. It isn’t. Life isn’t. When there’s life there’s hope, heroism, grace, and love. When there’s life, there’s life.

Exactly.  And not just for that world, but for ours.

Some more details on “Nice vs Kind”

Nice is a social construct. Doing what society expects to either curry favor or maintain societal norms. Nice people do things for people and then tell you all about it, much like how Donald Trump goes on and on and on about how much he gives to charity or when he hugs the flag at a rally. Or how a man opens a door for a woman and kinda forgets to do it for a man or a child. Or a woman who asks someone about themselves when they first meet, but soon never asks that same person about how they are doing. It is transactional, and meant to get something.

Kind is internal and doesn’t give a damn about what other people think as long as it leads to a easing of a burden or helps someone or something. Kind is cleaning up a break room when you find it a mess when no one is around. Kind is opening the door for the person behind you no matter who it is. Kind is making sure that you don’t put food that an animal would want in garbage that would be sitting outside for a few days waiting for the trash pick up causing danger for that animal, and instead just leaving it beside the dustbin so it can be eaten safely. Kind is loving everyone, no matter what, and doing it without notice. Kind is internal and is its own reward.

I doubt anyone knows what charities I give to, other than when I mention “Hey, you should give to these folks, they do good work.” When I have the option, I choose careers where I am helping people, because I feel that if you have to work to earn money, you should do it in a way that helps, or at least does no harm.

When I help someone and they ask what I want out of it, I understand that they are used to the transaction nature of “Niceness”, and I usually make a joke of it by saying that owe me a burrito. I rarely press the issue and people rarely buy me the burrito. And that’s fine. I can afford all the burritos I want now that I am working nearly constantly.

That’s why I say you’ve got to love EVERYBODY. Nice people love those who give them things. Kind people love everyone, even those who hate them.

I am nowhere near perfect. This does not come easily or instinctually to me for whatever reason, and it didn’t start in me until I decided I had to learn how to love UNCONDITIONALLY. It’s not religion, it’s not spirituality, it’s not philosophy.

It’s a choice. Every day. To look at the world through the eyes of love instead of the yes of fear. Nice people fear that if they aren’t nice, things will be taken from them. Kind people don’t care what is taken because they have themselves and with that, they have an infinite capability to give. Nice people look for a return on an investment. Kind people don’t think of the future and instead what they can do to make things better now.

I have a solid tribe that reminds me to be kind by showing me that kindness. They are the examples I try to live up to and kind people remind me of what a right bastard I used to be.

Much love to friends old and new and I hope you can see me living up to the creed of The Invisibles: I am fighting for a world where everyone gets what they want. Even our enemies.

Quote for today

Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up….

But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement.

If you keep this agreement, you can travel around the world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you. You can say, “I love you,” without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can ask for what you need.- Don Miguel Ruiz

Much love to friends old and new and I hope you are able to not take it personally.

Today’s Stanley Kubrick quote

The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile, but that it is indifferent. But if we can come to terms with this indifference, then our existence as a species can have genuine meaning. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.

A Hangin’ At The Home story

Today, when I got in to the group home for work, one of the clients was yelling, upset that a food item she wanted wasn’t there. She has been doing this every time I come in to this facility, partly because it’s a power and control thing, and partly because she knows that during shift change, things get very chaotic. It’s pure manipulation, and one of the staff who was working bought into it, and raised her voice as well, starting a power struggle.

I waited until they separated and I had finished my other duties and then came into the room with the client, knelt down by her wheelchair and said, “Why is it that every night when I come in, you start yelling and being angry? “

She demanded the food item again and I said, “Staff have said it’s not there. I’ll go look, but if it isn’t there, can you tell me why you are so angry every time I come in to work?”

She started yelling again, and I said, “I don’t like it when people yell at me. People have been yelling at me a lot lately and it makes me think that they don’t want me around. Is that why you yell at me?: You want me to go away?”

She stopped and said, “No, I like you. You’re nice to me.”

I replied, “You can only yell at me so many times before my feelings will be so hurt that won’t want to be here any more.”

Yep, in that moment, I was being human and honest with her. I checked the fridge, told her that the food item wasn’t there, and asked her nicely if she would apologize for yelling. She did and went to her room.

“Don’t lie to the clients” you may say…I wasn’t lying. The group home takes a toll on me, even if I am spending most of my time sleeping here. On those shifts, I have to wake up and help people to the bathroom, give them medication, deal with disputes and the like, and the sleep I get is fitful and not very good. On the weekends, when I work during the day, I have been head butted, punched, scratched, dealt with endless amounts of bodily waste and so on.

But, I live to serve.

Another client, who has been here as long as I have worked here, was verbally abusive, lashed out in anger and could be a bear of a human most of the time has moved out due to declining health. I will remember all of the time she hit me, or threw something at me or told me how horrible I was…but there were also times we talked about old movies, she helped me make a meal or sang along with music I was playing while working. I KNEW she couldn’t stop herself, that she just had those outbursts.

And because of that, I forgave her.

Oh hell, who am I kidding, I forgive everyone. It’s my thing, you know?

She would sometimes apologize, but mostly she would pretend that the outburst didn’t happen or it was all the staff’s fault.
I’ll miss her and her unique personality.

But in those moments when I was dealing with her anger and abuse, I would say, “Do you want me to leave?”

And while she would shout yes, an hour or so later, she’d come out of her room to see if I was still there.

If I DID leave because it was the end of my shift, I was told she would be upset and ask when I would be back.

I don’t know if this has much of a point. If I were a better writer, were a little less frazzled or were as smart as some people seem to think I am, I’d have a good wrap up that would make a big important point about how you can only carry so much before you have to lay the burden down and walk away.

But I am not that bright, incredibly tired, and hope that you read this and think to yourself to be a little nicer to the people who are there for you, because they are carrying burdens too, and sometimes, it may be too much for them to carry on their own.

Good night to friends old and new, and I wish nothing for you but good things tomorrow.

From Facestab Today

My quotes for today

“Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions.” – Henri Nouwen

“The truth is…you’re the weak, and I am the tyranny of evil men. But I’m trying, Ringo. I’m trying real hard to be the shepherd.” – Jules Winnfield “Pulp Fiction”